[Britannia, 526 CE, in a parallel (and almost identical) universe]
Manius Quinto sal.
[...] As soon as I can, dear Quintus, I will tell you exactly where my tower is located here in Britannia - all I know it is somewhere in the East of the island - so that you can send me all possible information about the area.
Since you’re living in Northern Gaul I remember you saying you know quite a lot about Britannia and that you also possess detailed maps that can be copied and sent to me as soon as I tell you where I am.
The Franks – you told me - show mercy unto you because of your knowledge and writing skills. They will not object to your sending a parcel to an old friend.
One more thing. That weird legend about a certain Manius Papirius Lentulus, whom you say to be the talk of your village ...ahhh, hercle, a clear case of homonymy! Or a stupid mistake!
Our clan, the Papirii, is very large. Besides people write (and mispronounce) so horribly in our days.
I swear to our gods that I haven't married seven Anglia women.
Oh oh oh, I wish I had, but how? I've been here for only a few months. The sad truth is that I am terribly alone in my tower and that I badly miss the warm body of a woman in my bed.
This attached papyrus informs you about the local version of that legend. Please do not propagate such stupidities.
[…]
